Racial Identity

Right now, at the end of my freshman year at Marquette, I feel like I'm in stage 4 of Pang's stages of European identity development. A while ago, I was uncomfortable (stage 2) if ever it was pointed out that I'm white. I did feel like it was a fact about me, and I was very white, but it wasn't my fault. Then I went through a phase where I thought that none of my opportunities had anything to do with my race. I felt that it was wrong to assume that I got something because I'm white, when I work hard for what I have.   Now, I'm aware of the fact that I'm white and I receive certain privileges because I'm white. Obviously I do work hard, but there might be some things in my life that I would not have been able to get without being white. I also am aware of the differences between myself and the almost entirely Latino/a student body where I am doing service learning, and their uncomfortableness sometimes when I am tutoring them, due to our differing races and backgrounds. While I understand this now, I would not say that I'm comfortable knowing that fact, and I can't say I know how to solve the problem of race and privilege. I try to be anti-racist and make changes in the world, but it's difficult when I'm in school and broke, and have a lot to focus on. With experience and reflection, I will move on and accept my own race and others' races, and become a 'change agent,' as Pang says, but I'm just not there yet.

Response to Race/Identity Articles

     The Pang article talks about the stages of European identity development. Right now I feel like I'm in stage 4, because I'm just getting over the idea that I wasn't privileged. I'm not going to lie, I have felt guilty before because the fact that I'm white means I don't have to deal personally with all these daily issues that others do because they aren't white. I'm over that, though; I'm not going to feel guilty because of something that I have no control over. But I also understand that I have been privileged because of this same thing that I have no control over. I was very adamant about the fact that I've worked hard to get through high school and into college, and I still am; it's just that I realize now that I had the ability to do so because of my privilege. Again, I'm not going to feel guilty about that, but I recognize it because otherwise I will never understand the race issues in America and the world today (including those in American public education).
     As for the McIntosh article, I am often aware (during this semester, when I am already contemplating race issues for class) of many of the things mentioned by the author as things that she doesn't have to worry about because of the fact that she's white. Times like when I'm on the bus, I notice the differences between the way people look at me and how they look at those of color. It's like they automatically trust me because I'm a white female, and they are wary of others. Again, I'm starting to understand both the subtle and the not-so-subtle differences in my life and others' lives because of skin color.