Racial Identity

Right now, at the end of my freshman year at Marquette, I feel like I'm in stage 4 of Pang's stages of European identity development. A while ago, I was uncomfortable (stage 2) if ever it was pointed out that I'm white. I did feel like it was a fact about me, and I was very white, but it wasn't my fault. Then I went through a phase where I thought that none of my opportunities had anything to do with my race. I felt that it was wrong to assume that I got something because I'm white, when I work hard for what I have.   Now, I'm aware of the fact that I'm white and I receive certain privileges because I'm white. Obviously I do work hard, but there might be some things in my life that I would not have been able to get without being white. I also am aware of the differences between myself and the almost entirely Latino/a student body where I am doing service learning, and their uncomfortableness sometimes when I am tutoring them, due to our differing races and backgrounds. While I understand this now, I would not say that I'm comfortable knowing that fact, and I can't say I know how to solve the problem of race and privilege. I try to be anti-racist and make changes in the world, but it's difficult when I'm in school and broke, and have a lot to focus on. With experience and reflection, I will move on and accept my own race and others' races, and become a 'change agent,' as Pang says, but I'm just not there yet.